There’s a saying that’s attributed to the Dalai Lama: in the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher. It’s a nice idea. But when people don’t share our values, it’s hard for us to tolerate theirs. This week, we bring you a favorite episode with sociologist Robb Willer. We discuss the common mistakes we make in trying to persuade others of our point of view — and how to break out of our echo chambers. Then, Kenji Yoshino answers your questions about how we hide our true selves.In this week’s show, you’ll learn:*What’s happening in our minds when we’re trying to win an argument.*Techniques for how to take another person’s perspective — and how to become more effective in persuading them of your perspective.*The most successful protest tactics in winning allies.*Why we might shift from trying to change someone’s mind to trying to change their behavior.If you love Hidden Brain, come see Shankar live in a city near you this summer! For more info and tickets to our “Perceptions” tour, visit https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/

We generally think of pain as something to be avoided. But psychologist Paul Bloom says that as much as we're wired to avoid suffering, we also seek it out. This week, we begin a two-part mini series about the curious pleasure we take in certain forms of pain.Hidden Brain is about to go on tour! Join Shankar in a city near you as he shares key insights from the first decade of the show. For more info and tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/. 

Revenge often feels sweet, but what price do we pay for seeking it out? Researcher James Kimmel, Jr. proposes a radical theory: our desire for vengeance operates like an addiction in the brain. This week, how “revenge addiction” plays out in our everyday lives — and on a global scale. Hidden Brain is about to go on tour! Join us as Shankar shares seven key insights he's learned from the show over the past decade. To see if we're coming to your city, and to purchase tickets, go to hiddenbrain.org/tour. 

Have you ever encountered someone who clearly knows you, but you have no idea who they are? This week, we feature a classic Hidden Brain episode about people on opposite ends of the facial recognition spectrum. Then, in the second part of the show, we bring you another perspective on facial recognition from the Revisionist History podcast. Host Malcolm Gladwell struggles with identifying faces, while producer Lucie Sullivan is exceptional at it.Hidden Brain is about to kickoff a nationwide tour! Join Shankar as he shares seven key insights from the first decade of the show. To find out if we're coming to a city near you, and purchase tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/

You probably know someone who thinks they know more about something than they really do. But you could never be described that way . . . could you? This week, cognitive scientist Phil Fernbach explains the "illusion of knowledge" — the fact that we think we understand the world in much greater detail than we actually do. He'll explore why this happens, and how to close the gap between what we know and what we think we know. Hidden Brain is about to go on tour! Join Shankar in a city near you as he shares key insights from the first decade of the show. For more info and tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/

Forgetting something — whether it's a colleague's name or where we put our keys — can be deeply frustrating. This week, psychologist Ciara Greene helps us explore the science of forgetting. We look at why our minds hold on to some memories for a lifetime, but discard others within seconds. And we grapple with a question many people ask themselves: Is my forgetfulness a sign that something is wrong with me?In this episode, you'll learn about: *The neurological underpinnings of memory*Why forgetting is a core part of how our minds work *Why this process of forgetting can sometimes be a good thing*How our psychological states shape what we remember, and how we frame our memories*Why we should treat our memories with skepticism and our forgetfulness with compassion Hidden Brain is going on tour! Join us as Shankar shares key insights from the first decade of the show — more info and tickets can be found here: https://hiddenbrain.org/tour

Do you feel like you control your emotions, or do your emotions control you? What scientists call "emotion regulation" turns out to be one of the most important life skills we can possess. It's essential in dealing with setbacks, in balancing risks and rewards, and in maintaining successful relationships. This week, psychologist Ethan Kross explores the growing and fascinating science of managing our emotions. He explains why our feelings so often go astray, and shares insights into how to reel them back in.In this episode, you'll learn:*How to coach yourself through emotionally intense moments. *Why certain types of personal writing can help with your thorniest problems or challenges. *How to use music and your physical senses to regulate your mood. *How to use the technique of "selective avoidance" to shortcut emotional spirals and "what if" thinking.Hidden Brain is about to go on tour! Join Shankar in a city near you as we explore lessons we've learned in Hidden Brain's first decade. For more info and to purchase tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/. 

There's no magic potion that can make someone adore you. But there are things you can do to promote a deep and enduring connection — and even feelings of passion — between yourself and your partner. In the final chapter of our Relationships 2.0 series, psychologist Arthur Aron shares some techniques for falling and staying in love. In today's conversation, we explore:*The assumption that love fades over time.*The effects of daily routine on romantic relationships.*What our choice in a romantic partners says about us*How successful long-term couples keep love aliveIf you love Hidden Brain, please join us for our upcoming live tour! Shankar will be visiting cities across the U.S., and our listeners have the first crack at purchasing tickets. You can get yours at https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/. Use the pre-sale code BRAIN. We hope to see you there!  

As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts ​is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray. In our conversation with Liane Young, we explore:*The uniquely human ability to think about the minds of other people, which scientists refer to as "theory of mind." *How and when young children develop this ability to intuit what's happening in other people's minds. *Why our understanding of other people's minds affects our moral judgments — and how those judgments can be disabled.*How misreading another person's intentions can affect our lives in both small and significant ways.Then, in the second part of this week's show, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin, who responds to listeners' questions about grudges. If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings. 

As you go about your day, you likely interact with family, friends and coworkers. These relationships can help you feel cared for and connected. But what if there’s a whole category of people in your life whose impact is overlooked? Today, in a favorite episode from our archives, psychologist Gillian Sandstrom reveals some simple ways to make your life a little more joyful and maybe even a little less lonely. Then, we talk with researcher Erica Bailey, who responds to listeners' questions about authenticity and how to reveal our true selves to the people around us.In this episode you'll learn: The sociological concept of "weak" and "strong" ties, and the important roles they play in our lives.How "weak ties" contribute to our happiness.How to talk to strangers — including how to start, maintain, and end a conversation.How to decrease feelings of loneliness and increase feelings of connectivity in your daily life.If you enjoyed today's conversation with Gillian Sandstrom, be sure to check out these other Hidden Brain episodes: You 2.0: The Gift of Other PeopleHow Others See You 

All of us want to "seen" by the people around us. We want to be recognized as unique individuals. Yet the experience of being seen in this way can be dispiritingly rare. This week, we kick off our "Relationships 2.0" series by talking with researcher Allison Pugh about the psychological benefits of what she calls "connective labor." She explains why this labor is often overlooked, and how to cultivate the superpower of making other people feel seen.  In this episode, you'll learn: *The definition of connective labor, and why this skill is like "engine grease" for our personal and professional relationships.*Why connective labor is vital to success in a surprisingly broad array of careers. *The gender stereotypes around connective labor, and why these stereotypes overlook the role that men play as connectors. *How connective labor affects our mental and physical health.*How connective labor by teachers may affect students' ability to learn. *How to slow down in interactions with other people and explore the emotional context behind their words. If you have a follow-up question for Allison Pugh after listening to this episode, and you’d be willing to share it with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone. Once you’ve done so, email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “connection.” And thanks for listening!    

Often in life, we find ourselves wrestling with a decision. But in running these mental calculations, there's something we rarely consider about the future: we might not be the same person when we get there. This week, philosopher L.A. Paul explores how life-altering events reshape who we are.Want more of our work on understanding your future self? Give these Hidden Brain episodes a listen: https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-how-to-see-yourself-clearly/https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-decide-already/https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/you-2-0-your-future-is-now/https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/the-ventilator/And for the latest insights about human behavior, delivered straight to your inbox, sign up for the weekly Hidden Brain newsletter! Each issue brings you the latest research, along with a brain teaser and a moment of joy. You can read and subscribe here: https://news.hiddenbrain.org/